Cut Some Slack

The DIY Pomander rose turned out lovely i.e the colors but failed to complete. I bought the styrofoam to big and the roses were insufficient to cover half of it. 

I'm too lazy to go to hokko with due to payday and many reckless crazy drivers on the road so I will go there sometime next week to commence back where I left of. 

If I'm not mistaken it was last two weeks that me and my girls went to visit two wedding boutiques to search for the perfect color to wear on our sanding day. We all went with our fiance to get their opinions and what color suits them best and we girls went together to prevent any color clashes. The first boutique we went was in Kiulap. Load of varieties of songket to choose from and what i like about it this boutique, it's arranged accordingly to colors. However, we had a small argument there with the person in charge and cancelled out that boutique. We're now down to two choices. Then we went to the well known boutique in Mabohai, all of us came out happy and content. =) I found the perfect color for our morning reception ceremony and booked the songket for further discussion with the personals. 

Then the wedding preparation just stop there. Last week I did not even flick through my wedding book, did not go to google and search for inspiration. Noting. Just blog hopping on brides to be blogs. 

Eh wait, well I did a little. I went to Miri, Sarawak on Sunday and bought flowers for the decoration on my guest book corner. I hope the "guest book" corner will be utilize efficiently because you know our culture don't really get the "write down a note for the bride and groom" bit. Well, that's not the point, i went to Miri in search for the Foam flower roses. Cinta, situated at Mega Hotel do sell foam rose flower but it's not what i expect, noting near to what i bought in Hokko nor what Wedding Tiara bought in Sabah. Set aside those foam flowers, they do sell very nice artificial flowers too, lilies look great and real. Trays? saw this new arrival trays which i assume is the "in" thing now selling for RM$65.30 each. I will update on the picture soon after I sync my phone. But damn, that's expensive for a tray. At Miri, me and the other half went and browse for bedroom sets, mattress and lighting. Love some, hate few so we will decide along this few months either to execute the plan or continue searching. 

I'm cutting some slack with this wedding preparation simply because it has caused a lot of stress to me. I'm not the only one feeling it but my girls too. Thinking about the planning process, the financial issues.. yea talk about how expensive wedding nowadays are got into us madly! To a point where I told the other half, "Can we not talk about wedding?" and Alhamdulillah, I feel better and at ease. 9 more months to go and out of that 9 months I don't wish to talk about wedding everyday right.. there will be at least a week or two that sums up to around 1 month you've got to cut some slack. I'm not sure if other brides to be is feeling the same way like I do. I'm as excited as all the brides to be too. We all want our wedding to be near perfect right? 

I'll stop my ranting. 

Wishing all the chinese our there Gong Xi Fa Chai! Happy Wabbit New Year  =) and have a lovely holiday.  

Financially Prepared : Part II

To continue on my previous post, for this I will be concentrating more into the amount you were to spent on the events. Just roughly, noting serious or over the top.


Before I enter you in the financial calculation I would like to address to everyone that this is my wedding estimation. I don’t want to shock others that you’re wedding will cost similar like this, it’s 100% entirely depends how you want to celebrate your day and how much are you willing to splurge. Some wedding can cost you even less than BND$30 grand, so I emphasize; this depend highly on you personal needs and wants for your wedding day.

NOW, to start calculating on you wedding expenses you may need to:

1. List the number of events you’re indulging.

o We Bruneians have a number of tradition events that we ought to obey. Some parents didn’t really mind when we decide to skip one of the few traditions just as long as we don’t skip the most important event which is the solemnization ceremony. Skipping events means less money spent! So if you want to have a complete and just nice wedding, one thing you’ll have to do is negotiate with the parents. Provided with the credit crunch now days, I’m sure they will understand. So the number of events for I know the time being are:

• Berbedak Mandi
• Akad Nikah (Solemnization ceremony)
• Malam berbedak (Night of powdering)
• Malam Berinai/Berpacar
• Bersanding
• Ambil-Ambilan
• Muleh 3 Hari

Taken from Wikipedia

2. The number of guest for each event.

o You will need to estimate roughly or have a fixed number of guest for caterings, door gifts, wedding favors for some even that need the individual guest to come and give their blessing, the number of tents, You either don’t want to left out guest with no gifts or have no seats for them right? Yes, it’s true that our parents will say more is fine but less is not good. But, to have a well managed wedding and not to have that variation order, it’s best to keep the guest list minimal.

3. List out the number of bride and grooms gift to each other which is most likely to be known as the hantaran.

o Plan on what you want to put in the tray. This is one of the most famous sections in a wedding because people would really love to know what you’ve got in that tray. Expensive gifts shows pride and money the couple have. My honest say on this is that, this is unnecessary and overrated now. Just because your cousins or best friend has a Manolo Blahnik or a Christian Louboutin and the Chanel classic flip handbag on the tray, you have to beat them to it because your other half works with much higher pay then your best friend husband. It like a quiet feud happening on who affords what. This is just giving pressure to the soon to be wedded couples. I hope the mentality of people would change and spend wisely and don’t make a huge hole in your pocket for reasons of showing off. No point. You would want to wish to have a happy life together with your other half and not forking out his money to splurge on way expensive stuff that you may or not use it always because you’re afraid you might spill wine, fizzy drinks or whatever. Always remember, make sure that your other half can afford to get you that stuff you want, never forced them to buying because of love. Men’s also have their wish list that they wish you would buy them too but you couldn’t afford. E.g. a Ferrari? So think about it and compromise. Don’t pressure your other half.

4. List out the attire you want to rent and get tailored. Most bridal offers package for all events with the stage decorations and all sorts.

o Most brides would love to get their solemnization dress tailored to their own needs whilst have the other attire rented. For the well-off brides, they may get everything tailored. But anyhow, try to keep this as nice simple and clean. I’ve come across to some that came up with different colors! Just to symbolize uniqueness in their solemnization ceremony. My question, how many times in your life would you wear everything white? A white dress? Let it be unique in your life but not to others.

5. For the ladies, you’ve got to get a rough estimate for the bridal make up services.
o For all the i know make up services now ranges from BND$150-$200 to even $300 per session and much cheaper if you take a package. Since the make up services is blooming like mushrooms similar like photographers, remember to try this make up artist first before any of your occasion. Bring it on a test drive and see if it's suites you. Some professional make up artist does a perfect job and turned a bride to her most beautiful moment but some just don't work. Give it a try first!

6. List out the events you would love to use fresh flowers.
o Usually there are only two events that use hand bouquet. Solemnization and Sanding ceremony.

7. The wedding cake!
o Yes wedding cakes especially the modern fondant and air brush cake doesn’t come cheap like icing. They’re pricy and to have a quality cake, ready to fork out hundreds!

So what are you waiting for? Get a piece of paper and list out what do YOU want in your wedding and estimate them.

Always, think about the flow of the occasion on that day from the arrival of guest, to being the bride to being the mother of the bride, the father of the bride, Be Everything so you won’t miss out of minor details that we tend to overlooked and forget.

  

GOOD LUCK!

I do have an example here based on my imagination and experienced attending weddings..

Solemnization ceremony. (I’m only going to cover up for the ladies side)


o THE BRIDE

1. Your solemnization DRESS: this is entirely up to you, either to get it tailored to your likings or rent it from the bridal boutique.
2. Your solemnization SHOES: I’ve always loved a white strappy heels looks sexy. Wear stockings makes it nicer.
3. Your solemnization SCARF/VIEL: some forget that we need a nice bling brooch or pin to clip the scarf. You if you’re planning on wearing the normal scarf that requires brooch and pin. You need to purchase them in textile shops. For those who use the new trend scarf that needs you just to slip it in, noting to be worried about.
4. Your solemnization ACCESSORIES: Crown, bracelet, rings, and necklace. You either use your own bling collection or hire from the bridal boutique. I’ve always prefer no rings on the left hand because I want the wedding ring to be the only one in the finger. Makes it more distinguish in pictures and special.
5. Your solemnization HAND BOUQUET: Some would like to hold something while sitting down waiting for the soon to be husband be your husband! It would lovely to have some fresh flowers to hold on too, breaks down the nervous feeling too.
6. Your solemnization MAKE UP: now this has always been the 1st thing to think about on a wedding so I don’t have to elaborate into this right? Just make sure that when you use heavy fake eyelashes, when taking pictures... Make sure you open up your eyes. Especially ones that has small eyes. You wouldn’t want most of your pictures sleeping right?

o THE ROOM

1. FURNITURE & DECORATIONS: May or may not need new furniture but you know the rest, get the bed area decorated. Reason? Your wedding photo.
2. LIGHTING: make up purposes and photographers. *No cost just a reminder
3. KEYS: Now, when everyone is busy witnessing the bride solemnization ceremony, whom will take care of the room? So always make sure to lock the room and give the keys to someone you trust that won’t do any harm. No keys? You’ve got to get them locked no matter what. *No cost just a reminder
4. TEMPERATURE: Since there’s people going in and out the room, populated and crowded, you may need to set the air conditioner to the lowest temperature earlier on. *No cost just a reminder

o THE EVENT

1. CATERINGS: Always do food tasting before hiring a caterer. Enough said.
2. DOOR GIFTS: Every occasion has a door gift that you need to prepare. Solemnization ceremony door gift is usually simply and noting over the top. Remember, have of give something that you can afford and not bebankan yourself.
3. GUEST: Have friends, cousins, siblings and parents to help the guest seated and let them socialize; don’t worry too much if either the tents is already full or half empty. Nevertheless, you will still enjoy your wedding.

o THE HANTARAN

1. MEN GIFTS: Prepare and numbered the items. Place it in a very safe place, away from kids running around, away from crowds as item can go missing. Decorations? That’s entirely up to yourself to DIY or hires some people to decorate them for you.
2. LADY GIFT: So before the solemnization ceremony start, there will be this “Hantar Berian” ceremony that took place where both side will exchange gift. Items received from the men’s side, have some people, friends or cousins to help them bring up to your room and arranged them. If the items being placed just beside you on the solemnization ceremony, its fine. As long as someone keep’s an eye on those trays.

o THE CEREMONY

1. PELAMIN/ STAGE: It’s always nice to have the stage prepared early for photo taking purposed between the bride and groom. Enough lighting and don’t overcrowd them with organza running from one pole to one pole, some might trip on it during photo session. Keep it simple, hazard free.
2. LAPIK: When the solemnization ceremony took place, the bride will have to sit behind the groom. I’ve seen this arrangement and it’s lovely, the bride will be able to see her soon-to-be husband Lafazkan nikah and everything. The groom will have his Lapik and four candles but always, the ladies forgot that they will need a lapik too for her to sit down to witness the ceremony.
3. SOUND CHECK: Have the family members or who ever is in charge of the sound system to check thoroughly. Make a sound check so everything is clear and there will be no glitches that will interrupt the ceremony.
4. RING: Prepare and make sure you assign someone to hold the ring that you will need to place on your husband’s finger. Soon after the ceremony, there will be “batalkan air wudhu” so soon after that will be the exchanging of ring followed by a kiss in the forehead (optional).

From here you could just get a rough estimate on how much one occasion will cost you and of course, wedding management! =)

Financially Prepared : Part I

Now everyone wishes to have a perfect wedding. We are all aware that wedding does not come cheap especially in Brunei Darussalam where most of the stuff i.e. ribbons; wedding favors are at marked up prices. This urges us, Sadly Bruneians to shop elsewhere for wedding favors, dresses and all those stuff we need for the wedding. Totally not helping the country economy here, but this is my personal opinion and natural fact that we love to splurge money elsewhere, don’t we? I think like typical Bruneians as well so by splurging elsewhere sounded more exclusive isn’t it?


So first and foremost, in planning a wedding and to make your dream wedding come true, you have to be financially ready on the money you would splurge. You have to be aware on the cash you will spend. I myself had a rough estimation on how much my wedding would cost and the cost includes the other half too. Mind you, being an engineer changes the way you think that I took it too much in my wedding plans as if making a BQ(Bill of quantities) to avoid that variation order i.e. overspent. My god, to have a good and beautiful wedding of your dreams cost you more than BND$50 grand for only the ladies side. The men’s side would be slightly cheaper because they have much simpler events and they didn’t have to think for complicated, well-tailored attire, make up artist and ladies stuff. For us Ladies, this planning is one of the most tedious and time consuming. But what can I say, want a perfect wedding? You’ve got to work for it and planned it!


Remember, that it’s your wedding day. If your wedding is from your own money earned and savings, remember; that it’s your money and you wouldn’t love the idea of overspending. You have to be aware of hidden expenses in a wedding too, the nearer the wedding date; the more obstacles that requires money comes your way. So stay strong and keep your heads up to a positive beautiful wedding. Some plan wedding two years in the phase of their engagement which I think is just nice to save up cash for the wedding. This is my calculation, if you alone save up BND$1500/monthly in 24 months you mange to save BND$36,000. The more you save the more money you have for your wedding day. But mind you, you’ve got to be strict. At least either you or the other half has to be strict in managing the money not to withdraw or have the urge to use the money even it’s for temporary and the promises to top up the money taken back. Trust me; it will never happen because we all have temptations when it comes to money.



What’s great is that, I would encourage partners opening up a joint account especially for wedding savings and with no ATM card at all. Fixed deposit is good as well but the return is slightly lower and you have to put in a fixed amount with hassle and bustles. I’m not an expert in terms of the availability of banking facilities so excuse me. By opening up a regular bank account for the sake of the wedding could seriously save your day than taking up personal loan just for a wedding.



One point to keep in mind is that you’re splurging into an event that last only for hours, taking up a loan is not a smart choice it will just destroy in your future planning. Taking an example; you take up a loan for the maximum of 7 years with your monthly deduction of probably less than BND$1000. You are just letting daylight robbery to take place i.e. paying the bank interest. 7 years is a very long period and by your 1st or 2nd year of marriage you would be blessed by offspring’s of your own. Then when they grow up, you have to think about their education, clothing, food and damn diapers and formula milk doesn’t come cheap now a day! Then you’ve got your individual car loans to pay. When your parents’ house gets cramped, you need to move out. Lucky to government servants having the beneficial of subsidize house rental charge so you may have a bonus there. People just love taking up loans. Just as they’ve finished paying for their personal wedding loans, gifted by probably 5 kids, you’ve got to take up another loan; house loan. So it’s a continuous process of letting daylight robbery happened to yourself. You see that flow? The financial commitment? You might as well get married with the bank than your man! Which personally for me, it’s not an exception. You will feel much more satisfied spending money that you’ve earned and collected throughout the months. Some may say, you’ve got more money when guest gave money as a wedding gift to pay the expenses. How about this, If you spend on your wedding with your own money, the gifted money you could use it for your honeymoon and shopping. Nice isn’t it?


So think about it… think smart. =)

I apologize if I’ve got anyone offended by my post but this is just my piece of mind and absolutely no intentions on hurting others.