Before He Says, "Aku Terima Nikahnya.."

I found this very interesting article from Hazlynda on her post titled “From I love You to I want divorce” The original post is from Daniel Zain a professional photographer from Malaysia. I guess it’s worth the share to all the brides to be. It’s a good read and it gave you the sense of realization.  

by Daniel Zain on Saturday, August 28, 2010 at 6:14am


Assalamu'alaikum,

How has everyone's Ramadhan been? Alhamdulillah with the arrival of Isa into our lives, Mariam & I couldn't be more thankful to Allah swt for the blessings he has given us.

An important step in the life of any adult Muslim is the day he/she gets married. Subhanallah I know some of you are already in the process of looking for a spouse, and some of you may already be a few steps closer to tying the knot than I may be aware of ;)

As a wedding photographer, my job is to document that special moment when two people become husband & wife. Alas, in almost 4 years of doing this full time, several of my clients are no longer husband & wife. Several of my university friends have also gone down the road of divorce. Sometimes the reasons for divorce are complicated while some have parted ways over seemingly trivial issues. I've had the opportunity to speak to some of them during their trying moments & after their divorce. Could some of these divorces have been avoided if the couples had done something simple prior to getting married?

That simple thing is: Ask important questions before you get married

Here are some questions I believe one should ask his/her potential spouse. If you are already seeing someone and intend to marry that person, then please do not waste the opportunity to ask. It goes without saying that proper Islamic etiquettes should be observed when asking your potential spouse about the issues below.

The following are in no particular order of importance; they are just listed in the order as they pop into my mind while typing this. All the points listed here were among the causes of divorce for my clients & friends.

{Edit on 28/8/10: Not all points will be relevant to you, hence know yourself & what issues may potentially crop up based on your personality & lifestyle expectations} :

1. Living Arrangements

• Be absolutely clear about where both of you will live once you are married. If its at one of the inlaw's, then discuss how long you'll stay there before you move to your own rented/purchased home. If your spouse is unhappy after a certain period of your living arrangements, do not treat this lightly. Make an effort to have a pleasing & peaceful home experience, especially if you will be living with parents & extended family.

2. Health

• If you have any health issues, please let your potential spouse know about it. Do not give them a nasty surprise once you are married. For example, a couple i know are no longer together because the husband did not tell her that he has Erectile Dysfunction. She only found out once they were married. There are many conditions that can cause stress to build up such recurring migraines, asthma, diabetes, heart problems etc. Do not hide the existence of your medical condition(s).

3. Sex

• Don't laugh. Sex & finances are among the main reasons for divorce (add Facebook in the list these days).

• Brothers, please read up & learn about the right way to approach your wife. DO NOT rush her if she isn't ready to be intimate. A friend of mine took 9 months before she was ready to consummate the marriage. Alhamdulillah they now have 2 kids. Yes, that's an extreme example, but it happened. It could happen to you. Do not start pressuring her with fiqh, hadeeth & quran about the need to consummate the marriage as quickly as possible. It’s very likely she knows all those points already. The issue is a psychological & emotional one, not a lack of knowledge for the most part. Maybe a friend told her intercourse is very painful, maybe she doesn't feel confident about her body, and maybe she is just very shy. Be gentle, be romantic by going on short holidays together & just be patient. Oh yes, don't forget the dua's :)

• Sisters, especially if you are the very shy type, start reading up about intimacy. Don't shy away from straightforward descriptions of body parts & functions. Get comfortable & confident with your body. I don't mean exercise like crazy to get a specific body type, but know that if the guy loves you & wants to marry you, he's fine with the way you look. Sex is something you should look forward to without fear. Please know that you are entitled to & have a right to get your share of pleasure.

• If it’s confirmed that you are getting married, then ask your fiancé/soon to be spouse if it’s okay with him if it takes a while for you to be comfortable to have sex. If he gets upset, that's a red flag there! A good brother would never get upset, but he'll assure you that he'll be gentle & won’t pressure you. After all, he wants the experience to be pleasurable for both of you & not just for him. If you are shy to ask, then get a trusted third party to ask. I'm not kidding.

• Oh and one more thing brothers, don't get all paranoid & start imagining all sorts of "has she done it before?" scenarios if your wife ends up being very good in bed. Instead, be thankful.

4. Sex leads to.....Kids.

• Ask each other how soon after marriages do you plan to have kids? Don't assume your spouse has the same ideals as you do. You may wish to wait at least 1 year, whereas he thinks a baby 9 months after the nikah is obligatory. 4 kids is your perfect number, yet she wants 10, or none at all!

• What are each of your thoughts on adoption? What if one or both of you end up being impotent?

• Do not wait till you're married to ask about children.

• Pregnancy is a big deal for the lady. Some women are terrified of getting pregnant. Again, be patient and have her speak to other ladies who are pregnant/have kid to reassure her that she'll be fine. Oh wait, some men are even more terrified of having kids. Same process, get him to talk to fathers of his age.

5. Finance

• Sisters, please inquire & know how much your potential spouse earns for a living. If his salary is lower than your expectations for your lifestyle, ask yourself if you are willing to compromise. If you are used to LV, Gucci & Coach bags yet he can only afford Vincci, will that be a source of frustration for you? If the answer is yes, find out what are his plans to increase his income. On the flipside, if you are not the shopping type of girl, and handbags, shoes etc mean little to you, please don't settle for too little. At the very least know your rights on what your husband needs to spend on you.

• A girl i know is fine with her husband giving her only rm50 - rm150 a month for her toiletries, personal care & what not. She says she isn't materialistic, which alhamdulillah is good, but the result is that her husband doesn't spend a ringgit more on her. No dinner dates, no short weekend holidays. Nada. He has become complacent and forgotten his duty to support her living since she does not work.

6. Work

• Can I continue to work after we get married? Can I start working after we get married? Can I stop working? Can I switch to a lower paying job that I love? "I'll be posted in Timbuktu 3 months after our nikah, and oh yes, I'll be there for 2 years & you got to move there with me, no ifs or buts okay."

• Clarify all the above before you get married.

7. Food

• You hate cooking yet the very day of your nikah your dear hubby asks you "What are you cooking for dinner sayang?". Big problem! Yes, believe or not, a couple got divorced because of this very issue.

• Sister, especially if you work, ask him if he expects you to cook all the time. If he does, ask him if he can compromise.

• Brother, if you know she hates to cook, ask her if she's willing to learn at classes (which you pay for of course).

• She loves western food but you must have rice for every meal. Plus you hate pasta which she's obsessed with!!!

8. Housework

• Picture this: A girl's hero is her dad who happens to help out alot around the house. Daddy helps with the dishes & laundry. He doesn't complain. She then marries a brother who will have nothing to with housework. In fact, he considers it a girls job not befiting a man! Guess how happy the marriage is going to be? If only she had asked him if he's okay with helping out with the dishes after she cooked that wonderful dinner.

• Brothers, please help out around the house. Rasulullah s.a.w did, hence no excuses.

I hope this has been beneficial for you. The points I raised are far from comprehensive, there are many other seemingly trivial reasons people get divorced over. For more detailed knowledge on living as husband & wife from the Quran & Sunnah, please refer to the excellent 'Like A Garment' series by Sh. Yasir Qadhi. If anyone managed to save the entire email series of Like A Garment, please share it. Sh. Zaid Shakir & Sh. Suhaib Webb also have excellent audio lectures on the subject. Also ask good teachers on the detailed roles & responsibilities in a marriage. My points are just real world examples from real cases of couples who had to let go of their marriage.

{Edit on 28/8/10: There will many issues that crop in a marriage that one can't foresee. It's totally normal & what's required is sincere love, plenty of patience and willingness to compromise where possible to achieve a win-win situation. We mustn’t view divorcees in a negative light as well because sometimes divorce is the only solution. For some, it's a good solution that helps both parties become better people.}

I feel we should have a YMP sharing session where these issues are discussed. Brothers & sisters, we need to be prepared for the worst case scenario as well. Sometimes in the desire to get married, we only see & imagine the beautiful & sweet life ahead, and as a result we get thrown overboard when a storm comes.

May Allah taala guide all of you who are seeking your life partner. May He also guide us who are already married to remain loving & faithful to each other. May He give us righteous children who will be His servants and help make the world around them a better place.

Wassalam.

Daniel Zain Ibrahim

Guling Tangan

Photo Courtesy of Irama Bahtera Cultural Troupe

Planning a bride’s reception is much tedious than for the groom’s reception because the ladies need to think about the entertainment! To keep the guest entertained either by volunteered guest with great voice singing along with the karaoke machine, hiring a live band singing requested songs, religiously; some may have a group of people reciting zikir for the bride and groom and more into the Brunei tradition is Guling Tangan. Some prefers to save cost by playing slide shows with love songs in the background. Hence, I’m saying there are a lot of varieties to entertain the guest.

However for me, noting beats the sound of the traditional guling tangan. Especially now they made a fusion by mixing them with the sounds of electric guitar, bass guitar and even violin! The songs played were mostly traditional with mixture of modern too. Most of the Brunei guling tangan I must say is indeed very good in sound arrangements that are suited for all ages. Elderly loves the guling tangan and flute sound while the young’s love the mixture of electric guitar. Ouh! They do sing too along with the songs! Plus plus! =)

I would love to have the guling tangan group to play at my wedding reception! The other half also agrees because its very traditional and its once in a life time too. You wouldn’t order guling tangan in normal functions right apart from wedding? So I say, its worth the splurge!

There are a few of Guling tangan group I stumble across.

1. Irama Bahtera Cultural Troupe   <3 I might be considering them because I heard they played at my friends wedding and lawaaaa
2. Putera Irama Sri Harmoni  You’ve got to visit their blog and see the little guy who played the guling tangan! So talented and cute!! Not bad too. 
3. Canang Sambilan    No preview only pictures of them, would love to hear them play though  
4. Guling Tangan Warisan  No preview of their guling tangan too but I heard they’re good as well and has been in existence for quiet sometime (?)   
5. DKS Culture Group Experienced guling tangan group, performed for RTB and all.

Anymore guling tangan groups in Brunei that is not in my list? Drop me a comment! Would love to promote them to future brides in Brunei too.

Next post will probably be collections of love songs that me and the other half personally love! Something we plan for our evening reception i.e Malam Ambil-Ambilan or Majlis Malam Doa Kesyukuran. InsyAllah. 

Time Matters.

I just wish I have the time to read ALL these magazines.

When I just started talking about purchasing bridal magazines, every time mom came from her Miri trip there will be at least one bridal magazine. There's more in her room because she's doing all the reading whilst I just flicked through pictures, placed a post it as bookmarks and hoping i will have the time to read and look more into detail. Which, I don't have the time yet... Then, Fiancé's mother is also excited and brought magazines from London, catalogues of gifts, invitations loads more for choices and ideas!!

Then there's the Internet and the power of google that makes decision making much more harder!

Time... Time... Time... with both of us always working on a busy schedule, hectic is the only word.
My only mind relaxation is blog hopping for few minutes then back to work. Comes the stress with office paper works, back to blog hopping. At least a brief getaway in the cyber world. *sigh*

Five Tiered "Floral Avalanche" Cake, Peggy Porschen.
Taken from Wedding Magazine Aug/Sep 2010

However, that cake... I can't stop thinking about it... Its classic. Beauty and impossible to get THAT cake here in Brunei. It takes a lot of hard work and cost hundreds! *sigh*

I guess its the fasting season that made me look more into cake design that other stuff.

Wishing all the Muslims fasting period is treating you all well. =)

The Hantaran Shopping

I and the other half decide to start buying out hantaran stuff. I can say that the fiancé mother is excited because she bought quiet a number of items already such as Majlis berbedak favors for the people membedaki. Semangat right? But it’s so exciting to listen to what fiancé’s mother has in mind too. Early this year, I overindulge on a shoe for my solemnization ceremony because it was love at first sight and had it shopped and sent to Brunei. Then just early this month when the fiancé’s mother came back, she showed me this beautiful ivory shoe bedazzled and simply gorgeous! She told me to use it for solemnization ceremony or place it in the hantaran. The shoe that I bought has a heel of 4” and slightly bigger, I’m having second thoughts about wearing them. I love the shoe that fiancé’s mother bought and the heel is 2.5”, I’m confident that I’ll wear them and confidently without having thoughts of toppling over. I’m torn between choices however I have like a year to think about it!

Enough rambling! Eheee

Back to hantaran items, at first we plan on buying it one time event. Go on a holiday shopping trip for hantaran items but then again, we thought it will be heavy for us; financially. So we came to a number of lists of hantaran to give and received. The other half and I decide that there will no gadgets involving so no laptop, phone, cameras, and game console. It will be just pure classic! I’m still unsure on how the rules play here but I heard the number of dulang must be odd numbers so 11 versus 13?


First task! Shop for my other half first. Since he’s on training overseas I told him to grab anything that doesn’t have an expiry date and is evergreen. I planned on letting him buy his own desire shoes, work wear that won’t go outdated, belts, stationary set and pen. I really wish I can be there to go shopping but work doesn’t allow me too. But anyway, stuff like perfumes and toiletries will buy next year on another shopping trip. With the list below I hope that we won’t go overboard in the budget *insyallah*

--
The idea is to buy barang sikit-sikit so inda kerasahan that the list is all done by the time on our wedding. Inda jua berat financially and that makes shopping everymonth! Nda jua membazir money splurging on unnecessary stuff because kitani buying stuff for wedding. Savings atu memang ada lah for paying the caterings, venues, bridal boutique, photographer, videographer etc. and the rest of the balance money from the payroll are items for hantaran. Personally, I think I’ll save more because if I were to have that extra money from payroll; I tend to shop unnecessary stuff. Eheee. So the mind set is “ALL FOR WEDDING”


Here is what I planned on putting in the Majlis Hantaran


The woman’s side:


1. The Holy Al-Quran will be designed with the Telekong Sembahyang. (dapat kan ne? it doesn’t have to go individually right?)
2. Wang Mas Kawin
3. Wang belanja Angus
4. Sebidang Jong Sarat
5. Sirih Junjung
6. Watch
7. A pair of shoe
8. A handbag and a wallet
9. Bathroom toiletries with perfumes
10. Make up set & facial products.
11. Sweets & chocolates.


The Men’s side


1. Watch
2. A pair of shoe
3. A pen with other Stationary set
4. Work bag.
5. Work wear.
6. Casual wear. (*still deciding to replace this because the other half doesn’t want casual wear to be in the list)
7. Bathroom toiletries & shaver.
8. Sweets & Chocolates
9. Fruits
10. Fresh from oven items.
11. Food
12. Food
13. Food

//edited - To replace casual wear will be Cara Melayu & Kain Sampin =)

With this I hope it will give other brides-to-be guidance too on what's essential and what's not. I'm still searching on this Hantaran information because it feel that now its overated. Any ideas? I think what's very essential is Mas Kawin & Al-Quran? Correct me if i'm wrong.

Wedding Invitations

I’m so excited despite December is still far away just because… I with my parents, my maid of honor and bridesmaid bought confirm tickets to Jakarta already! We are really making it happening! Bridesmaid fiancé probably will be joining too just to get those extra kilos for baggage excess but he’ll redeem his tickets through the points he obtained. My brother did mention about claiming my miles I got from the return UK trip and two years ago miles and merging miles from my aunties who’s not using her card at all however, I’m too lazy to do the paperwork’s and sending those papers to the RBA office.


So this post I will be highlighting on the INVITATION CARDS.

Photo Courtesy of Vinas Invitation

Some recommend me to make invitation at Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia just because if there are any hiccups on the printing, going to Kuala Lumpur is much nearer and cheaper compared to going to Indonesia. Most of my friends did their invitation at Kuala Lumpur and various vendors. I will make another post on this on the list of vendors available in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia and Indonesia of that I know and found out.

First up, when I and the other half goggled on wedding invitations maker in Indonesia, Vinas Invitation  came up and it was love at first sight. They are based on Surabaya, Indonesia and I tell you, they give very prompt and professional reply when I ask on the quotation. You know how hard it gets when you need to tell your needs and how your invitation would look like and all.


So, I only asked how much for the picture above cost. They told me that everything depends on the material paper design i.e. hard cover of soft cover. So I assume soft cover would be much cheaper. I don’t see a point on spending much on invitation cards because it’ll be dispose eventually by the guest, correct? I’ve set myself a budget of not more than BND1000 for invitation, I’m wondering if BND$600 is sufficient enough to produce a well informed invitation card with elegance touch of white, white and more white! I’m mad over white color hence; I want everything to be white too! Years ago, my brother had his invitation done only BND$0.50 each! Very simple but I love it just because it’s white and have small heart shapes. Noting grand but I feel its good enough right?


Anyhow, this invitation card on the picture can be design to suite your theme and they may need to know if you’re looking for elegant, classic and many more themes. For 600 pieces, the price for each card will cost IDR150, 000 (≈ BND2.50). A bit pricy right? But I think you can negotiate to change the type of paper, few alteration to suite your estimated budget. So to place your order you just send your wordings on MS word and a sample will be given for free! Any correction will be altered and a final proof will be submitted to you for final checking. Everything can be done in 40days! Just pay for shipping cost just after you make the down payment. They accept payment from paypal and western union! How convenient is that? Vina’s invitation is professional and I guess have worked with Bruneians too because she knows the selok belok very well.

I received few suggestions making a recycle on the invitation, i.e. being more creative such as:

♥  Scroll Invitation

Photo Courtesy of Wedding-Calligraphy

Beautiful right? Maid of honor suggested, one side of the scroll will be the details of the wedding i.e. date, time, venue, bride’s & groom name, parents name and family names and the itinerary. The other side of the scroll could be some abstract drawings, poems or ayat-ayat or dua (Not advisable because you will be inviting non-muslims). I like the idea of it but not sure how much will it cost.


♥  Fan Invitation

Photo Courtesy of Invitationsbydawn

Photo Courtesy of Hotref

This type of invitation has been practiced a lot nowadays in Brunei. I’ve seen few people who use those paper fans as an invitation card. It’s very creative however, what I’ve came to realized is that the text tend to be much more smaller and elderly people really have a hard time reading whilst tilting their heads side to side.

♥  DVD Cover Invitation

Photo Courtesy of EternityDVD

Okay, no longer practiced here. Or shall i say Sooo last year.. hehe I guess this was years ago when DVD-case box invitation was famous but I don’t see any purpose unless you include a mixed CD inside it of compilation songs. Again, will your taste of music suites the guest invited?


♥ Calendar Invitation

Photo Courtesy of Sugarplumpaperie

Photo Courtesy of Momental Design

I LOVE THIS! And it’s practical~ everyone needs a calendar right? However, this is only practical for those whose wedding end of December in a transition of New Year or early January weddings! They are lot varieties of calendar type to choose from but it’s simple! The first two page will be the all the wedding details! Personally, if I were to have this as my wedding invites I like the calendar to be loosely and packed in a transparent CD case. You know that kind of CD case calendar! Would be lovely right? And if you’re creative and have the time, DIY is possible too! You could put in quotes, abstract pictures, and many more to make it more beautiful!

 

♥ Mug Invitation

Photo Courtesy of Beaucoup

The picture above is a personalized beer mug, but some sort of this tall glass mug or those ceramic mugs. I don’t have to elaborate more on this because I think you get the idea already. I guess there’s always a phase or years ago in the family that you or any family members have a picture in a mug or when your visit to Thailand that took your photo with a baby tiger and get it print on the mug because I did. *blush*

♥ Ceramic Plate Invitation

Photo Courtesy of Cassandramdesigns

I’ve only seen once in my lifetime that people use ceramic plate as an invitation because they exclude giving door gifts. The invitation is the door gifts. This will cost more than estimated because it’s personalized, same goes to the mug too.

 

Any more suggestions readers? Most welcome.

The Jakarta Trip

Photo Courtesy of Airlines-Airlines

I’m making it happen! Next payroll or probably later I’ll be purchasing tickets for both my parents and me to Jakarta with two of my lovely bridesmaid in December! My parents agree to go Jakarta as their pension activity and two of my bridesmaid is very much excited! What’s even more exciting is that my bridesmaid will be planning for their wedding too which is next year! We all have planned not to have any clashes in date but we’re yet to have everyone for dinner and discuss on the available dates but so far I heard no clashes yet.

Planning to go there this December before Christmas to browse or probably just shopped for few items on the checklist too to reduce the load. I stumbled across few bloggers that gave good reviews on where and what to find in Jakarta particularly Ka Fiza

 

Anyhow, from what I’ve read and what my mom told, the places in Jakarta that is worth going is:

1. Mangga Dua

2. Pasar Mayestik

3. Tanah Abang

4. Pasar Jatinegara *situated at bandung

Seriously I don’t know where all the areas are listed above. I’ve been to Indonesia couple of times during my childhood days but not as an adult so I assume it’ll be my first time!

Gosh I’m so excited that I can’t wait for the next payroll to come out! Need to purchase that ticket as soon as possible. Set aside the work leave I’m going to take, buy the ticket first that have the boss sign for approval whether the boss likes it or not!

So back to shopping areas in Jakarta, suggestions on the places I should visit is very much appreciated. Shops that provide printing of invitation cards, cheap laces, telekong, wedding favors and anything that I must visit!

HOTELS! Yes, due to conditions I don’t know how Jakarta is. I want hotels to be near with Mangga 2 because I heard it’s like a shopping heaven for wedding preparations. I goggled for hotels nearby mangga 2 and it looks like mangga 2 is huge areas so I got very confuse and afraid of security reasons too. My parents previously stayed at Batavia Hotel and when I read review that its sort of declining services, now that I’m not sure to trust or not. But anyhow, I heard Hotel Ibis Jakarta Mangga Dua Hotel & Apartment offers good price and also walking distance to Mangga Dua. I do want to know where else is advisable and recommended apart from Hotel Ibis. Please do e-mail me at z.inaza@yahoo.com for trips advisor or drop in a comment.

and of course I post my trip reviews and loads of photos around the areas for future brides in the near future! =)

You’re Répondez s'il vous plaît

Photo Courtesy of Van-G

I was discussing with my parents about wedding venues and my dad insisted to have a wedding in a hotel. Yes, the past few months I’ve been contacting hotels banquet manager on the maximum capacity they can occupy, food & beverages prices and the packages included. So far I fell in love with only ONE out of the number of hotels however, it can only occupy up to 900people only. I will be having an appointment again this Friday morning with the banquet manager in one of the hotels that can fit more than 1000 people. This process takes a longer time because I need to widen my options and calculate the budget simultaneously thinking if it’s worth to pay thousands for a banquet.

By Friday, I might and maybe settle for a venue. I just need to visit this one hotel and get a peek on it and discuss. If the deal is good then I might just take it and tutup mata. Personally, small number of guest say around 500 people or 600 people is rather enough but my parents insisted me to search for a hall that can occupy 1000 people! I’ve made my guest list and sums up to 250 people that includes +1. So if I were to select the 900 maximum capacity hotels; that give my parents 325guest to invite with their +1.

Something interesting to know about most people who attend the wedding is usually a +2 instead of a +1 or even a +3. That leads to no seats available for the other guest to be seated and enjoy the wedding. It’s risky and tricky too, some say from the number of invitation you sent out subtract 20% and that will be your real guest. Say 500 invitation sent out only 400 will attend with +1 and you have like an extra of 200 seats available. However, if you were to make your wedding in a hotel that offers BND$25/head or above will certainly be wastage to pay extra empty tables don’t you think? That is what I’m afraid of!

So I merely suggested my parents to have a R.S.V.P. Confirm guest will be allocated to their seat husband and wife. Mixed seating. Due to circumstances that the guest is invited with their family then they will have to reply text or call to tell the number of family members they will be bringing even if that guest decides to bring the maid, still included in the guest list. Well no matter what, all the invitations will be provided with a RSVP card or maybe just text or call to confirm their attendance. No wastage in invitation cards and also you know how many guest will be coming to witness your wedding reception. Say if a guest is not able to come to the wedding, and you forgot to invite someone, they could replace that empty seats. You also can confirm to the hotel how many guest will be coming and not paying extras too.

My parents replied? “kadang-kadang orang ani menyaya bah.. durang bagitau tah 2 orang sekali datang nya seraban” and my dad just nodded with agreeing what my mom told. I once attended my relative wedding in Malaysia and they have this R.S.V.P thing and she told me that it’s just great plan. We were seated accordingly with family members and not with strangers and I find it very pleasing. Anyhow, They didn’t object nor agree with my suggestion but, I just hope I can make that plan work! And hope that as we step in a modern era, people perspective will change towards attendance of wedding invites and be more professional by... replying to R.S.V.P... *amin*


By the way,

SELAMAT MENYAMBUT BULAN RAMADHAN to all Muslim’s around the world. Di dalam bulan yang penuh mulia ini. Semoga puasa kita mendapat keberkatNYA.

Fasting starts tomorrow!

1 Year Being His Fiancé

9 Ogos 2009 M bersamaan dengan 18 Sya’aban 1430 H

The Dulang for The Engagement Ring

Today marks our 1st year as an engaged couple and with that, I decide to share my story on how we came up with the decision to get engaged. I was still in the UK and was rather surprise when he mentions to take another step forward over the phone. He did give me links on engagement rings choices and diamond sizes to white gold or platinum. But I was silly enough not to get the hint! I guess because the other half loves to talk about evergreen stuff ranging from fashion attire, handbags to jewelry so when he gave those links, I just give him my opinions what I find beautiful not getting the hint! Would you believe that I don’t know anything about diamonds until the other half explains to me the sparkle, the carat and all the details! Anyhow, winter last year; he came to UK and there the parents called the both of us and talked. That it’s best for us to take a step forward in the mist of preparing a wedding as our relationship is almost 5 years that time. I guess he knew that the discussions coming hence, the internet links and ring choices! Simple right? No engagement proposal what so ever, just a discussion made from the parents.


So whilst I was still in UK, the other half visited my parents and told his intentions of his next step forward; engagement. He mentions it over dinner with my parents and my mom thought he was joking and my dad was shocked! Hehe tediam bah my dad and te-stop from makan.. The other half is a spontaneous type of person and just gets direct to the point so that shocked my dad. Both my parents agreed and let I decide the final decision to agree on the engagement. Then over skype, I talked to my mom and she mentions about the other half on his intentions, I just kept quiet and give me sometime to think. Yes, most of the ladies out there would be so excited when it comes to getting engaged but surprisingly, I didn’t get that feeling just maybe because my mind was occupied with dissertation in mind and exams.

My Engagement Ring & Pembuka Mulut Ring

After dissertation and exams, he came to UK again to find the “perfect” engagement ring for me. We did browse through a whole lot of selection around London and I’m torn between choices. Ranging from high end jewelry boutiques from De’Beers to Tiffany & Co. to the regular jewelry shops when I found the perfect one at H.Samuel! The other half insisted on the tiffany princess cut ring but when I tried on it, it doesn’t really suite me that well. Noting Wow & Aww, although the thought of having the blue box with white ribbons do feel tempting but the shoe just doesn’t fit so we search elsewhere. De’Beers engagement rings~ I’ve got to love their designs! The other half loves it too but the price is over the top so we just keep that as one of our wish. We settled on the “Forever Diamonds” it just perfect. I love it because the diamond is lifted by 4 prongs and inside the ring is engraved with the word “forever” with a diamond in its “o”. When the ring got adjusted to my size, paid and collected, from that moment; the feeling is more assure that I’ll be someone’s fiancé soon.


The engagement ceremony was very simple. I had my attire tailored last minute and bought the material at Shimco, luckily my long time tailor Winnie of NIE boutique is being very sweet and kind to complete the attire in less than 1 week with highlights & embroidered. I had my girlfriends helping me out with the make-up and just simple! Mum wanted Ally MUA to do make up but I told her that it’s just an engagement and I don’t want to waste money because I’m not working yet!


The function is fully arranged by the parents, from the tents to the food and beverages and door gifts. The food and beverages came from in-house, my mom has a catering business so that saves cost. The door gifts! I forgot what it was but I think it was this traditional snacks (?) sapit and other kueh kering. The engagement ceremony, Alhamdulillah, everything went well. Noting grand to share about the ceremony, just a ceremony where the elderly discussing on the future wedding plans. I had my best friend and my brother being unpaid photographers for me. I will just share photos of my rings for Pembuka Mulut & Tanda Tunang, as I prefer to stay anonymous for the time being. =)

My Forever Diamonds Engagement Ring

My personal view on bertunangan is it’s a phase for you and your other half to do the wedding preparations; it will certainly test both you and your partner patience. Kata orang-orang tua, “jangan batah-batah mun udah tunang, kawin tah capat-capat” I guess ada benarnya with pesanan dorang pasal... Pertunangan ialah hanya satu komitmen yang belum pasti.. could be a happy ending or the other way round *Nazubillah Minzalik* Protect your pertunangan phase because it is true that telalu banyak dugaan dihadapi, kerana hasad manusia yang dengki, sakit hati dan sebagainya boleh melakukan perkara tidak baik bagi meruntuhkan mahligai yang akan dibina.





GOOD LUCK & STAY STRONG to the engaged couples out there who’s in the mist of preparing your wedding just like me. Sabar-sabar saja cia danger request dari parents, saudara-mara and friends. Patience.

The Pembuka Mulut Ring bought by the fiancé's mother.

Dear fiancé,
Little that we know we’re on our 1st anniversary being engaged. We’ve been through a lot of hurdles throughout our 5 years of relationship but I’m glad that we came to realize that we needed each other. To our happy endings.


With lots of love,
You’re other half.